our cab driver is having phone sex.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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