So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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