Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
