today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
