threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
