So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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