I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i came on her dog
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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