the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
