took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
