Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
