She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
