It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
