I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
