why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
