I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
