I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
