Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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