i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
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he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
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This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize