Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
