I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
