she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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