if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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