so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
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Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
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I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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