I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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