Screwed.edu
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Randomize
