I just threw up on my dentist
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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