Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
