escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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