just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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