Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
This toilet bowl is my home.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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