Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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