Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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