Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
