Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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