Need sex. Gaining weight.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
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I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
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Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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