You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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