think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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