He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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