Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
