you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize