come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
