our cab driver is having phone sex.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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