Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
