you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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