I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
