I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
