WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
