I accidentally had phone sex last night
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
