i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
