Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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