Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
