im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
