You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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