so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
