He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i came on her dog
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
