Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
