Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
