One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
