if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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