Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
