96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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